Death in the End
(Brett is the main character and Odie is a dog. They speak to each other in heaven.)
Surveying the barroom, nothing was hurried. Synchronicity. Clockwork on Island Time. Observing an eagle soaring, a parrot fluttering and a hummingbird’s rapid stillness. Does time tick here or is it based on songs in my jukebox? I shall see.
“So, Brett, what motivated you in life? Just death?
“Yup.”
“Uh?” Odie’s snout wrinkled.
“Yep, death. But I never wanted to die and just be ordinary; I wanted to be extraordinary. Sounds ridiculous, but…”
“Compared to who? Compared to what? What ego do you have that says you needed to be great or extraordinary? Most humans were pretty lame, from my perspective. What made you think you had to be better, great, fantastic, amazing human? And who’s judging?”
“Ummm, it wasn’t ego… or was it? I dunno. It was myself. It was me channeling the two that passed when I was 19. It was a janitor from grade school who would shake my hand hello and squeeze harder and harder until I said positive words, ‘amazing, fantastic, awesome.’ Society claims your life effortlessly: fit in, be normal, and leave. I kinda felt like I owed it to myself and others to be the best I could be. Does becoming a famous actor or rock star satisfy them or me? Not unless it was my fate and it was the real me, Odie.”
“Ah, well, I wanted honesty. Honesty was the key. I could smell a lie, I could smell deceit, I rolled in truth.”
His words are gifts and they reminded me of a poem I wrote about death, since I am dead:
Remember who your family is
And your family is always first.
You gotta keep your faith,
Because without God’s hand,
You can’t think.
Your mother might be dying
Much quicker than everyone else,
But so are the people around you.
It is about living, since we were all born to die.
Find your spine of faith,
Reach to find the values you truly know are right.
Find the fire inside your soul,
Not just the fingertips of faith but from inside.
Then carry your people through
The raging brush fires that can happen in an instant
While wearing a smile…
‘cuz smiles save souls.
I was much more confident about death. The maturation process actually happens. But my questions remained unanswered. How is it possible to live a mentally healthy life when there is so much going on? Past! Present! Future! When my eyes were closed at night, I was blinded with images — bad experiences, tomorrows, pleasant plans, the last scene from a movie or life. What is mental health? Handling all issues comfortably? Discussing concerns? And who’s going to listen? If everyone went to a shrink, they would always find something to dig up and analyze. So, why go? Live and enjoy is my philosophy.
Death is not to be feared, it should inspire. Death, like many dreaded moments, can develop into a spiritual illness that demands healing. The fear of death can haunt and torment you, if you allow it to. Craft the life you are comfortable living. Stay inside and create, if being a solo artist fills your cup. Put the work in each day to make yourself a better person — you get what you put in. Add the people, places, and things to support you being the best you.
Even being here, I’m thinking of bettering my situation and taking advantage of what may be available to me. I could meet Marcus Aurelius or a peasant farmer in France that Van Gough painted. So many people come to mind.
Do the seas of sorrow and the mysteries of doubt keep you up at night? Rather be in someone else’s shoes, or bed? The mind trap will throw anchors, if you let it. So, let these words penetrate and poke tiny holes in the dark box you have created to cover an issue you are having. Use the misted light from your new light source so you are able to see a new galaxy. It may not feel like total darkness now, but it probably does not feel like living. Everyone has aspects of their life they have not mastered. Even the artless pinhole camera I built when I was a child could capture a brilliant image and encouraged me to keep going. One hole in one black box was enough light to create forever, create a photograph that could outlive me. A timeless snapshot to fill my cup.
My point to all of this? Life is too amazing to take it for granted. Death will happen. 100%. Do what you really want before it comes for you. I’m telling you this from the place you will end up. This is your slap in the face, or on the ass, to do more. Start a passion project. Spend more time with family. Travel. Just do positive things to fill your cup and be thankful you can. I can’t anymore. I’m quite bummed about dying before 50.
I love this quote by George Burns: “I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now — I’m booked.”
